Commercials

Being without a TV has spurred me to seek alternative ways to keep myself busy. So far, I’ve used this free time to do some chores around the house (cleaning, watering the plants), go market shopping, go furniture shopping, read, and have quiet, meaningful conversations with my wife. In other words, it sucks being without a television.

One thing from the boob tube that I will not miss, however, are the inane commercials that seem to be popping up more frequently. Why can’t all commercials be as good as those "Real Men of Genius" TV and radio spots?

Here are the most egregious culprits:

1. GEICO

Someone, please stop the madness. It doesn’t get any worse than pasting a couple of eyeballs on a stack of cash and making the ‘80s hit "Somebody’s Watching Me" relevant again. The only ones benefitting from this sad excuse for a commercial is Rockwell, the group that sang the aforementioned song. And yes, I had to Google it.

Working for Geico’s advertising firm, so easy, a caveman can do it.

2. SWIFFER WET JET

Another cringeworthy commercial. This is the one where a woman receives flowers and candygrams from a "Mr. Mop," who is trying to woo her back to using conventional mops. Their song of choice: the 1970's hit "Baby Come Back" by Player. Did you know that Vanessa Hudgens of High School Musical fame did a remake of this song for the Disney channel? Don’t care? See, nothing can make this commercial interesting. (And yes, I Googled that as well).

By the way, we’ve recently purchased a Swiffer Wet Jet and I hate myself for actually liking the product.

3. DOS EQUIS BEER

Notice how they call him "the most interesting man in the world" and not the most "original" man in the world? These spots wouldn’t be so bad except that they’re a clear rip-off of ‘Chuck Norris facts.’

"I don’t always plagiarize... but when I do, I prefer Chuck Norris."

4. JARRITOS

I’ve been hearing more and more radio ads for Jarritos lately. These ads prove that you don’t need visual images in your commercials to make it suck.

For those of you who don’t know, Jarritos is a fruit-flavored soda company whose catch phrase is, get this, "What the fruit!?" When I heard it the first time, I thought the FCC had fallen asleep at the wheel. I’ve never, ever heard a commercial that used a play off of an expletive to pimp their product. That’s the equivalent of if Mother’s Cookies came out with a new brand of fudge cookies and called it Mother Fudgers. Is this even legal?

(As you can see, I do watch lots of TV. Esther said that no one would be able to understand this entry because no one could have possibly seen/heard all of these commercials. I beg to differ. I’d be surprised if you haven’t seen these ads.)